The United States of Beer

voting is an suggestion box for slaves

When faced with the choice of who they should control as President of the USA, our Beer Overlords carefully examined each candidate and selected the one that they thought would result in most beer drinking. Yes, we know you think that the election was the will of the people, but we can assure you that a particularly large portion of voters, in all states (except maybe Utah) drink beer.  The Global Beer Industrial Complex has for months been working quietly everywhere to change voters’ minds.  They worked from baseball and football stadiums, they went into concerts and made us listen to EDM (are there subliminal messages?), they bought up microbrews and snuck into local bar and grills. They’re in the liquor and grocery stores. They’re everywhere and they have brought us to the brink of violent revolt.  But rather than push us over that edge, they’ve chosen the greater of two evils to be their corporate puppet.  They would rather have us drunk and passed out on the sofa than rioting at the statehouse.

Sounds reasonable to us.  Bottoms up!