It’s a well-documented fact that our first President, George Washington, brewed beer. He hand wrote a recipe for “Small Beer” into a diary when he was serving in the Virginia Militia, prior to becoming President. This wasn’t unusual or out of character for anyone, in those times. Before modern clean water laws and public drinking water filtration systems, the public was forced to drink water hauled from the nearest river, lake, creek, or whatever water source was nearby. These sources were commonly also used as public sewers and therefore teeming with all manner of bacteria, viruses, and other disease-causing organisms/contaminants. The best way to ensure it was safe to drink was to boil it. Since that didn’t always improve the flavor, they would instead brew up beers, ales, applejack, tea, coffee, or anything else they could think of.
Now we all know that President Washington was also a Freemason, so this is another link to the history of the Universal Beer Conspiracy. The Beer Overlords have been running this country (and most of the rest of them) for hundreds of years that we know of for sure, and probably thousands, likely stretching into pre-history. Our guess is that this was all put into place by aliens from… wherever, way back when they seeded the planet with intelligent life and ruled over us like gods.
So raise up your glass and toast our Alien Beer Overlords while watching sportsball. May they favor us with another Denver Broncos Superbowl Victory!