The Storm Area 51 event scheduled for September was co-opted by Bud Light who presumably used the event as a cheap advertising gimmick. That's what they want us to think anyway. Since we know that the Intergalactic Beer Overlords basically control all of the known universe, it's more likely that they are under contract to provide beer to any aliens hapless enough to land on this planet.
Sure, they made a big deal out of placing a few well-stocked coolers full of limited edition Bud Light. What didn't make the news was that all the beer was drank. Who drank it all? They aren't telling us. What are they hiding? We know the Grays like beer. We know they are always watching over the human race, waiting until we are ripe enough to eat, maybe? It's downright insulting that they think we are being fooled by a few green cans filled with light beer. We're onto you Bud Light! We won't be silenced by anything less than a full keg of limited edition alien Bud Light beer. (Thanks for that, BTW)
We have nothing more to say...
With the government shut down for a couple weeks now you are probably wondering what impact this will have on beer.
Obviously, this will affect all the hard-working government employees, who, without paychecks, will not be able to afford as much beer as usual. This really sucks for them because they not only have a lot of extra time on their hands, but they could all use a nice cold beer right about now.
The other impacts are more insidious. Firstly, new breweries are unable to get the required licenses from the Alcohol and Tobacco Tax and Trade Bureau (TTB), which regulates the alcohol beverage industry, as this agency is currently shut down. That means the new brewpub being built down the street may be unable to brew. That means they may not even be able to open, which results in no new jobs, and possibly the loss of a few. Even after the shutdown ends (assuming it does) there's likely to be a backlog of license requests that may take months to clear up.
Secondly, the same government entity also approves new brews for existing breweries, so if the shutdown drags on, you can forget about seeing hip new seasonal brews in your local store.
It's entirely likely that the Global Beer Industrial Complex has orchestrated this shutdown just to prevent new competition and possibly thin out their existing enemies (small breweries). Just ask the Beer Overlords (if you can find them) They will certainly deny any involvement, which is a dead giveaway that they are behind it..
In Lincoln Nebraska, someone has realized that beer does not always mix well with throwing axes.
The city council has decided that people should not have any more than 2 drinks prior to throwing axes in a bar.
After they have finished throwing axes, they can drink as usual.
Seems like a common sense idea, but viewed through the lens of your money-grubbing Beer Overlords this is a serious breach of our basic freedoms.
How can getting drunk and throwing axes be anything other than the constitutionally protected pursuit of happiness? A clear overreach by the wussified nanny-state local politicians who will next require you to wash your hands before handling food.
What's next? Will they pass an ordinance requiring people to stop using their firearms when drinking excessively? It's a slippery slope that starts at sober axe throwing and slides all the way to prohibition, like a drunken camel on a glacier.
Not a pretty sight.
Beer is not to blame!
The vast majority of people who have drank beer, even to excess, have not raped anyone, or in anyway assaulted anyone, or been accused by a wide variety of people of being rapey.
Most of us, just have a few drinks, have a good time with friends and don't do anything illegal whatsoever.
Please don't blame the beer.
It's not the beer, it's the people who sometimes drink the beer.
A person inclined to rape people has that problem even before he/she drinks beer.
The beer and liquor Overlords have decided they don't like the Trump regime.
They've taken to trolling him in public advertising. This isn't the first time, and probably won't be the last.
Come election day we all need to decide if we prefer an erratic man-child tyrant or beer.
We prefer beer.
Once again the Tyrant-elect of the USA has decided, in his infinite lack of wisdom, to hurt the working man. Tariffs on steel and aluminum will increase prices for everything made from those metals. Yes, this means beer cans! It will likely add thousands to the production costs for every beer producer, big and small across the land.
This action clearly shows that Trump is not working for our Beer Overlords, but against them, and also that we'd be better off if he knuckled under and did as he was told, like every president before him. The Beer Overlords control most of our lives and they do it well. In mostly benevolent fashion. Clearly, most of us prefer to live life partly under their influence than wholly at war with them. Otherwise, we wouldn't drink, would we?
Even in Montana, the small beer producers are concerned about the impact this will have on their bottom line.
OK, calm down, it was a hundred years ago. According to these guys, the US government was infiltrated by German Brewers intent on influencing the direction of the entire country.
It was World War I (Or The Great War, as it was known until WWII). and there were millions of German-born immigrants and their children living in the USA, who were obviously more interested in siding with their Fatherland than with the rest of Europe. They controlled a key commodity: Beer. Even today you will likely recognize some of the players: Pabst, Schlitz, Anheuser-Busch, Miller, and Coors. These were just some of the German-friendly brewers who were making fortunes selling beer at the time.
When America declared war on Germany, the Federal Government even seized property, including breweries viewed as being owned by German citizens (They didn't do that to any brewers who were US citizens.)
Some of these brewers even bought up newspapers and pumped out fake (Pro-German) news. They donated to campaigns of politicians who were friendly to German interests and exerted every influence they could.
Thankfully they failed and were essentially punished with Prohibition shortly thereafter.
Crazy times, but somehow strikingly familiar...