Tecate has proven once again that beer brings people together, while hilariously trolling the Trumpling:

beer party

In light of recent events, we feel it’s important to let you all know that the Beer conspiracy is not racist.  The Global Beer Industrial Complex, on which we report, is primarily a financial conspiracy.  They want everyone to drink beer, wine, and/or liquor and pay for the privilege of doing so.  After a few drinks, they expect you to have fun, make bad decisions, and drink some more.  If they were racist in any way, they would be alienating a significant portion of the market.  They even like those folks who don’t drink (most of them, anyway) because you never know when they might fall, jump, or be pushed off the proverbial wagon.

Drinking beer is usually part of a social event.  Nothing brings people together better than a tasty beer, a bottle of wine, or a round of shots.  People who think that their skin color, religion, or sexual orientation makes them superior to anyone else are simply wrong and for them to even think that, much less shout it in public is abhorrent to us as (well as our Beer Overlords).

We condemn, in the strongest possible terms the recent and any future acts of hatred or violence.  

We encourage everyone, of legal age, to instead get a six-pack, or bottle of their favorite adult beverage and share it with some other adults.

Can anyone really hate each other after they’ve gotten loaded and slurred “I love you guys!”  We think not.

The Queen of England drinks 6 units of alcohol each and every day.  We're not sure how England determines a "unit" of alcohol, but it does.  This level of consumption is categorized as Binge Drinking.  If she were anyone else, we would applaud this, but she's the monarch of a great kingdom.  What does this mean?  It means that she is being controlled by the Global Beer Industrial Complex.
If they can get to her, they can get to any of us... OK, they already did that, but ti's still kind of shocking!  Perhaps her royal titles and heritage have made her one of the Beer Overlords.  That dark cabal of powerful taste makers all over the world who control our collective destinies.  No wonder she hasn't stepped down in favor of her increasingly aged son.  Perhaps she's power drunk... or maybe just the regular kind of drunk, but either way, she's definitely one of the Beer Overlord.
Read all the details here

beer bottle on mars

As the above photo clearly shows, someone has been drinking beer on Mars.
The photos was actually taken by NASA's aptly named Spirit Rover in November of 2007.  It wasn't until recently that one of those people who has nothing better to do than look at NASA's old Myspace photos in excruciating detail found the item.  

Clearly this indicates some level of intelligent life on Mars.  They might be drunk, but by golly, they are drunk on Mars!

Now, some might argue that this is simply a trick of the light on the rocks or something like that, but we see it as clear and undeniable proof of an Interstellar Beer Industrial Complex that not only runs this planet, and this solar system, but the whole of this galaxy, at least.  What remains to be uncovered is whether or not there is a brewery on Mars, Where are the hops grown? and what is the ABV (alcohol by volume) content?  We suppose it might also be interesting to find out who drank this beer, why did he/she leave the bottle laying there, what was the price of the beer (including taxes), and what did it taste like?  Furthermore, without a closer examination we don't even know if it was light beer or even a lager.  It could be an intergalactic IPA or deep space dark brown ale for all we know.

One thing is certain. We can rest assured that when we do find the aliens, we will be able to sit down and share nice cold brew with them.

Read the details here

A bill supported by most of the US House and Senate that changes how much beer manufacturers get taxed is being held up by Partisan Politics.  According to this article, The Trumpling has mandated that only his priorities of infrastructure, tax reform, and depriving people of health care will be considered at this point in time.  Six months into his regime and all he can do is redistribute money from the poor to the rich and cut government programs - thereby putting people out of work - rather than let congress move on to useful legislation that would actually help big and small businesses turn a profit.

Clearly, this is more proof that the Orange Dipshit is not being controlled by the Global Beer Industrial Complex.  And now we all have to pay for it. Maybe we'd all be better off with a blatant Beer Overlord ruling over us.

 

Heineken bottle

Dutch mega-brewer Heineken has printed text on the back of every bottle stating: "Because a stranger is just a friend you haven't had a cold Heineken with yet"  

Their message about helping create a more open and tolerant world is aimed straight at Trump and all the other fascist douchebags attempting to control our world.

Way to roll, Heineken!

Great Britain is leading the world through the enlightening idea that voters should be rewarded with beer!

Actually, the free beer is only for new people who register to vote.  Unfortunately, this is not a reward for voting, just for registration, but we support the effort!

Clearly, though, this also will get Brits to drink more beer, and who wants that?  Well the Global Industrial Beer Complex, of course!  Once again we see them manipulating politics as if it were a handful of clay.  Shaping the global political landscape to conform to their whims (i.e. Their plan to control the world.)  Already, voter registrations and beer consumption have increased.  What more could they ask for?  (It's a scary question we will leave you to ponder...)

According to this article

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