Nazi Beer


OK, calm down, it was a hundred years ago.  According to these guys, the US government was infiltrated by German Brewers intent on influencing the direction of the entire country.

It was World War I  (Or The Great War, as it was known until WWII). and there were millions of German-born immigrants and their children living in the USA, who were obviously more interested in siding with their Fatherland than with the rest of Europe.  They controlled a key commodity: Beer.  Even today you will likely recognize some of the players: Pabst, Schlitz, Anheuser-Busch, Miller, and Coors.  These were just some of the German-friendly brewers who were making fortunes selling beer at the time.

When America declared war on Germany, the Federal Government even seized property, including breweries viewed as being owned by German citizens  (They didn't do that to any brewers who were US citizens.)

 Some of these brewers even bought up newspapers and pumped out fake (Pro-German) news.  They donated to campaigns of politicians who were friendly to German interests and exerted every influence they could.

Thankfully they failed and were essentially punished with Prohibition shortly thereafter.

Crazy times, but somehow strikingly familiar...

That's right, the GOP tax reform bill includes a break for smaller beer producers.  The plan would cut in half the taxes on Beer, Wine and other alcohol drinks on the first 60,000 barrels produced. We read about it here.

As strange as this sounds, considering the rest of the plan, this part actually has bipartisan support.  That's right, both Republicans and Democrats support this small part of the tax reform bill. Clearly, the Beer Overlords control both parties of the US Senate and Legislature.  It may not be pretty, but now we know who's really in charge!

Sure the rest of the plan is a total money grab that hurts the working class, the middle class and people who simply have class in order to give huge tax breaks to the rich assholes that contribute to political candidates and parties, as well as huge multinational corporations that will almost certainly NOT use it to create new jobs.  But at least we will get some nice new crafty brews out of it.

Bud has plans to send barley to mars with the intent to brew beer.  Now that's planning ahead!

Of course we've been talking about how our Beer Overlords are probably already from some other planet for quite some time, so this doesn't surprise us at all.  It's simply the next logical step in universal beer domination.  If people are living there, beer will flow.
more details here

Apparently, since growing the barley on Mars hasn't quite been perfected, yet, they are starting out with a few runs to the International Space Station to see how well the barley will grow in a  low gravity environment.  Once that's worked out, it's only a matter of time before people are lined up at a dive-bar on Mars asking for a Bud.


Tecate has proven once again that beer brings people together, while hilariously trolling the Trumpling:

beer party

In light of recent events, we feel it’s important to let you all know that the Beer conspiracy is not racist.  The Global Beer Industrial Complex, on which we report, is primarily a financial conspiracy.  They want everyone to drink beer, wine, and/or liquor and pay for the privilege of doing so.  After a few drinks, they expect you to have fun, make bad decisions, and drink some more.  If they were racist in any way, they would be alienating a significant portion of the market.  They even like those folks who don’t drink (most of them, anyway) because you never know when they might fall, jump, or be pushed off the proverbial wagon.

Drinking beer is usually part of a social event.  Nothing brings people together better than a tasty beer, a bottle of wine, or a round of shots.  People who think that their skin color, religion, or sexual orientation makes them superior to anyone else are simply wrong and for them to even think that, much less shout it in public is abhorrent to us as (well as our Beer Overlords).

We condemn, in the strongest possible terms the recent and any future acts of hatred or violence.  

We encourage everyone, of legal age, to instead get a six-pack, or bottle of their favorite adult beverage and share it with some other adults.

Can anyone really hate each other after they’ve gotten loaded and slurred “I love you guys!”  We think not.

The Queen of England drinks 6 units of alcohol each and every day.  We're not sure how England determines a "unit" of alcohol, but it does.  This level of consumption is categorized as Binge Drinking.  If she were anyone else, we would applaud this, but she's the monarch of a great kingdom.  What does this mean?  It means that she is being controlled by the Global Beer Industrial Complex.
If they can get to her, they can get to any of us... OK, they already did that, but ti's still kind of shocking!  Perhaps her royal titles and heritage have made her one of the Beer Overlords.  That dark cabal of powerful taste makers all over the world who control our collective destinies.  No wonder she hasn't stepped down in favor of her increasingly aged son.  Perhaps she's power drunk... or maybe just the regular kind of drunk, but either way, she's definitely one of the Beer Overlord.
Read all the details here

beer bottle on mars

As the above photo clearly shows, someone has been drinking beer on Mars.
The photos was actually taken by NASA's aptly named Spirit Rover in November of 2007.  It wasn't until recently that one of those people who has nothing better to do than look at NASA's old Myspace photos in excruciating detail found the item.  

Clearly this indicates some level of intelligent life on Mars.  They might be drunk, but by golly, they are drunk on Mars!

Now, some might argue that this is simply a trick of the light on the rocks or something like that, but we see it as clear and undeniable proof of an Interstellar Beer Industrial Complex that not only runs this planet, and this solar system, but the whole of this galaxy, at least.  What remains to be uncovered is whether or not there is a brewery on Mars, Where are the hops grown? and what is the ABV (alcohol by volume) content?  We suppose it might also be interesting to find out who drank this beer, why did he/she leave the bottle laying there, what was the price of the beer (including taxes), and what did it taste like?  Furthermore, without a closer examination we don't even know if it was light beer or even a lager.  It could be an intergalactic IPA or deep space dark brown ale for all we know.

One thing is certain. We can rest assured that when we do find the aliens, we will be able to sit down and share nice cold brew with them.

Read the details here

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