global beer industrial complex

  • bernie at the brewery

    Social media has provided photographic proof that Senator Bernie Sanders (I-VT) is one of the Beer Overlords. Literally several presumably undoctored photographs have appeared on social media of the intellectual leader of the liberal left-wing sitting peacefully in front of or at the tables of various microbreweries. Clearly, it’s part of his extreme agenda to encourage drinking liberal amounts of beer.
    [Take that, Q-Anon!]
    Here’s more evidence ofBernie at the breweries

  • trump on the farm

    Donald Trump, famous for not drinking alcohol (among other things), has claimed that the Republicans are now the "beer and bluejeans party." We find it interesting that there are no photos of him drinking beer or wearing bluejeans. Clearly he doesn't include himself or anyone else around him in that category. However, by encouraging his followers (many of whom do wear bluejeans) to drink beer, he may be trying to curry favor with the Beer Overlords.
    We understand that being impeached can drive a man to drink but we also understand that the Beer Industrial Complex can exert a powerful influence over voters. Especially voters who use their product.
    Clearly, the orange topped wunderkind is desperately seeking votes from people he can easily relate to as only a man of his "caliber" could (as a lying, racist, egomaniacal, small-handed, Russian operative). We're not in favor of that. We're in favor of a true beer drinking, brilliant, polite, dignified politician who will support the rights of all men (and women) to drink their beer as they wish, when they wish, wearing what they wish (if anything).

  • politics shmolitics I vote for beer

    It’s very simple. The Global Beer Industrial Complex controls politicians with money. Now, certainly our Beer Overlords have many other subtle ways to control us all, such as via the influence of alcohol, which goes straight to the brain and makes us feel happy and then makes its way to the liver where it slowly works on killing us. However, with politicians money generally does the trick. Don’t believe us? Good for you! One should always be skeptical when it comes to conspiracy theories. 

    But… Here’s some evidence: According to the Wine Industry Network Advisor “...the Alcohol industry shows more than $237 million spent on campaign contributions and lobbying over the past two election cycles.” WIN Advisor attributes the information to a report called “Politics Under the Influence”, produced by Tom Wark ofWark Communications. He seems like a reputable enough fellow to produce such an article. The report covers the alcohol industry’s contributions to politics on a state and federal level from 2017 to 2020.

    Unsurprisingly, to us anyway, was the fact that liquor wholesalers alone accounted for $55 million in the last 4 years alone. That’s almost double what all the rest of the US liquor industry spent on buying politicians in that time frame. These are the middlemen of the Beer Industrial Complex. Not the breweries or the bars or liquor stores, but the guys in the middle. The guys who most states mandate as the only ones who can buy from the breweries and then resell to the retail outlets, who then sell it to us so we can enjoy the fermented fruits of their labors.

    What is surprising to us is the fact that most of that money went to politicians supportive of Trump. As a reminder, Trump is famously dry, in that he apparently doesn’t drink alcohol, ever. This may be why the industry chose to influence those politicos with money instead of a triple hopped IPA. More interestingly, is that they seem to have failed, at least on the federal level, to control the uppermost offices of government. Joe Biden is also known to be a teetotaller and therefore not obviously in the pocket of our Beer Overlords.

    Does this indicate a waning influence of the Global Beer Industrial Complex? Or are they hard at work in more subtle ways? Hold my beer while I figure it all out… On second thought, maybe I’ll drink that beer now and ask you to hold the empty can while I go grab another out of the fridge. I feel like it’s all about to come into focus and start making sense… Any moment now… Just let me drink on this for a while… Cheers!