Welcome to BeerConspiracy.com
We’ve Been Out-Conspired and We Love It!
We’ve been quiet here at the old Beer Conspiracy because frankly, we can’t come up with more ridiculous conspiracies than the likes of Qanon and all the rest of the whacko internet conspirators.
But this one made us spit out our beer in awe!
A beautiful woman believes that a brewpub in Texas is a satanic cult. A coven of witches performing child sacrifice and eating human flesh. To back up her claim she showed a colorful bow on the ground across the street from the brewery. She claimed this was proof that a child had been abducted and presumably eaten by the Satanists in the nearby pub. Unfortunately, that video seems to have been removed from Facebook already.
Luv that Motely Crue T-shirt, BB!
She’s either an attention-starved Thot or she’s completely nuts, maybe both. Either way, we’re totally smitten with this wildly conspiratorial kitten!
According to her Facebook rants, everyone who works in a bar selling beer is a psychopathic pedophile. She further ties it into Black Lives Matter, abortion, The NSA, drones, genetic chimeras, alien space trash, and cults. Oh, and she’s declared war against them all. Here she is on youtube saying all of that:
Here’s a quick quote from her Facebook describing these psychopaths
“They are boring AF with loud music and a plethora of sensations.”
How can a cult of baby-eating Satanists who enjoy beer and loud music be boring? Please let us know how that works. We’re eager to experience a plethora of sensations while drinking beer and listening to loud music. (Isn't everyone?)
In all fairness maybe she’s off her meds or she just cracked after being in COVID isolation alone for too long. We can help her with that, as long as she doesn’t mind chatting over a few beers while Motely Crue is playing in the background.
Please, Sugar-pie, contact us at the Beer Conspiracy and we’ll help you pull your conspiracies together and make them either more believable or more amusing. Maybe both.
The Corona Virus Conspiracy
We’ve been silent on the Corona Virus topic for too long. The ridiculous suggestion that the virus was named after the beer or has anything to do with the beer is still beneath our dignity to even mention. (Oops!)
But now they’ve closed the bars!
Maybe not in every state, but in quite a few from New York to California and many in between. We’re all staying at home to prevent spreading the disease. The bars are closed, the music venues are closed, the salons are closed, even the darn coffeeshops are closed.
In Colorado, they even tried to close the liquor stores and dispensaries. That lasted about 2 hours before they backtracked, allowing them to stay open as long as they enforced appropriate social distancing.
Where’s the conspiracy?
It’s not the Chinese. If it was, do you think they would have alerted the whole world that it was coming? Nope.
Could it be a secret US government plot to destabilize China? Maybe. It’s just stupid enough for the Cheeto in chief to approve of. (and remember that he is a teetotaller)
Was it intentionally released so that Big Pharma (and Bill Gates) could make money on a vaccine? Big P does seem a lot brighter than most governments, but if this was the case, they would certainly be flooding the markets with vaccine by now. Huge opportunity for profit being missed here. So, probably not the case. Bill Gates has more important things to do, though he did pretty accurately predict this pandemic in 2018.
Let’s follow the money. Or, in this case, the lack of money.
Who’s losing money? Ok, everyone… But amongst those would be the Beer Overlords. The entirety of the global Beer Industrial Complex is taking it in the shorts.
Who wants to put the beer industry out of business? Trump? The Mormons? MADD? Maybe it’s God.
We don’t know. How should we know? Maybe it’s the aliens who want us to buy their interstellar brews instead.
All we know is it’s hurting everyone. From the beer manufacturers, the distributors and the vendors to the bartenders, servers, and drinkers.
What can you do about it?
Stay Home. Wash your hands. Drink some beer and video chat with your buddies. Hide out until this is done. With the policies coming out of Washington, you can be certain they have decided to let all of us get infected. 2% of us will die from it, but that doesn’t mean anything to those in power. So long as they get a few more tax breaks and we get back to work, they won’t mind if 2% of us suffer a painful, horrible death.
Man, I need a beer. Here’s hoping that alcohol will kill this shit.
Beer Conspiracy Video
We're not sure who this guy is, but he's on to something.
Please spread the word. Let everyone know, but make sure they know it's a secret that nobody is supposed to know.
Oh, and be careful!
You never know who's watching you or how much beer they've had to drink, or how much you will need to drink in order to forget they exist.
The Beer Conspiracy
We believe that the Beer (and other Liquor) companies are a crucial part of the New World Order Conspiracy... probably...
They are systematically keeping the Free World drunk, or at least buzzed enough so that we won't pay attention to or worry about their other diabolical plans.
Everywhere you look, even on TV, there are ads for beer and other alcoholic drinks. Everywhere. You probably even have some beer advertising in your home. A PBR t-shirt, or a Budweiser key chain. Maybe a collection of beer steins on the mantle. You have become a part of the conspiracy that allows these huge multinational conglomerates to keep selling the only legal addictive drug in the free world (other than nicotine... and caffeine, but those are entirely different conspiracies and someone else will have to build those websites).
Alcohol kills more people each year than war! (We are Not suggesting that anyone should give up either.)
Don't get us wrong, we aren't suggesting that alcohol be banned. Prohibition didn't work in the past and it won't work any better today. We like a nice cold beer as much as the next person, but we'd rather drink our own homebrew, untouched by greedy corporate hands! (Except, of course, for when we are out of homebrew, which we usually are... because we don't actually brew any ourselves, though, we know people who do, or so they have told us.)
We present here articles of interest that prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that there's something that doesn't smell quite right in the International Beer Industrial Complex, headquartered in Bavaria, or maybe Belgium. Read them for yourself and you decide if you are going to continue playing right into their hands when you're crying into your beer, or if it's time to take back your beer and drink it!